just about a month ago, when i got laid off (or "joined operation daytime freedom" as i've heard it put) i figured i would have plenty of time for writing and entering words onto this web page. thinking, doing thoughful things, writing about those thoughts. truth be told, i have had plenty of time to think and plenty of time to write, but i haven't actually been doing much writing.
when you go from typing all day every day to all of a sudden not typing all day every day, it's hard to find that balance right in the middle that would work perfectly with your new-found hours of freedom. true, i spend about an hour or two per day in front of the computer writing email and doing all of the random chores for my rock band. but all of the changes make my life look different from the outside, and this extends beyond the frequency with which i have been writing on the web (or not writing, to be more apt).
my friends with jobs (pretty much all of my friends at this point) tell me how i'm never on instant messenger anymore, and how little they hear from me because of it. i never really considered instant messenger to be the indispensible communication medium that it apparently is, although now i'm giving it a second thought. that's one example. another is that the people who work at the business i frequent (restaurants and record stores) have noticed that i am walking in at all hours of the day now, as opposed to only twilight and weekends. they've begun to ask how the job search is going — of course, they never asked the first part of that question. sharp people, those.
i haven't experienced any true moments of boredom yet, nor have i found this lifestyle to be totally to my liking. i feel like a kid off from school for the summer. the warm weather, tacos, my new jones for classic rock... it all feeds the same beast. though i'm not ready to jump into the GTO with a foghat cassette and drive off to houston to get aerosmith tickets. there is always that blanket feeling of "this is going to end soon," which is quickly followed by the familiar phrase "enjoy it while it lasts" chiming between the ears.
i think what i'm trying to say is excuse me if i start to sound banal and mediocre. i'm reaching a point where i realize that i need to keep my chops up. it's not a problem of finding things to write about, because there are always things to write about. it's more of a problem of thinking that anyone would care how this unemployed writer spends his days and nights, sorts out his troubles, experiences his joys. now, however, i've realised that i do this for more than just myself. i do it for the people who can't find me in their buddy list, or the total stranger who finds me while perusing webmonkey and hopes for a contact, even one of the one-sided variety. i don't feel obligated to write, but i've read that one of the rules of blogging is that you must write every day so as to not let down your audience. not like i feel that i've let anyone down or given too few nuggets of wisdom to the world (what kind of jerk would think that? probably the one who wrote the rules of blogging).
i'll leave you with this: i'm going to a concert this weekend, and you can expect to hear about it. it's a gamelan performance that my friend byram is taking part in. it's gonna be radical. top priority for the summer.